Cousins' Party?

Recently I went to a family gathering with my cousins on my mother’s side of the family. It was actually something out of the ordinary. Most of the time, we only got together as a group on holidays or weddings or funerals.

This time, the primary purpose was to say farewell to my aunt who was moving back to her native England. It was kind of a sad occasion. My daughter is quite close to my aunt. But, I suppose, in this day and age, distance is of lessening concern when you think that we can turn on a computer and talk via a web cam. Still, nothing beats seeing family in person.

I had already been thinking about it when my one cousin suggested having a cousins’ party once a year. It’s something we do with some irregularity with my wife’s family. It would be great to have that family closeness. It’s something I’ve always wanted and something that would be good for my daughter to get to know where she comes from.

It would be easy to have my cousins from my mother’s side get together every year. I wouldn’t even mind having it at my own home to have some traditional consistency. It seems that may be what it will take to continue the cousins’ party with my wife’s family. But for the cousins on my father’s side there is a singular problem.

My cousins from dad are scattered all over the country. Like me, they mostly come from modest means. Having a tradition where we all get together every year would be almost impossible, as well as a logistical nightmare. What I was thinking about for this side of the family that we have something about every other year or every five years and all get together in a central location.

It still may be problematic, though I would seriously consider it. Save up for it like a special vacation. I have some cousins on this side of the family that I have never met. Some I have not seen in years. And I worry that the distance, both geographical and emotional, will serve only to drive us further apart.

I want to be a part of my cousins’ lives. I want them to be a part of mine. I want to be able to look and see – to know – my family. As much of them as I can. Maybe it’s a dream I can place in the “some day” column of my life. But it’s a dream I don’t think I can give up on. If I don’t care or try, how can I expect others in my family to care. And then what will become of the family?

Traffic in New Jersey

Welcome to the State of Traffic. It’s like you can’t get anywhere in the State of New Jersey fast – or, sometimes, at all.

There are very few main highways that crisscross New Jersey. Sure we have the Garden State Parkway and the New Jersey Turnpike running north and south. We even have Interstates 287 and 295 that cut across west to east with a few smaller interstates. There are also a few state highways, county roads and back roads; but these are more for local traffic, are backed up with traffic and are hampered by speed restrictions and so many traffic lights you might as well be seeing green, yellow and red spots after so much driving.

Contrary to popular belief, New Jersey is not all cities. Most of it is actually very rural and open. In fact, with the exception of Camden and Trenton, almost all of New Jersey’s cities or metro areas are in the northeast part of the state. Even there traffic is terrible. But for the rest of us, there are very little pathways to access the state. Which is why traffic on what we have is so bad.

You would expect a state as populous as ours to have an adequate infrastructure. We should be able to get from one point of the state to any other with ease. That’s far from the truth. There are no direct routes, making any trip circuitous. And the roadways in service are decades old and in serious need of maintenance. And not the kind we see now where some workers get paid to sit by the side of the highway talking and drinking coffee.

It takes two to three times longer than it should to travel in the Garden State. Throw in when schools open, summertime or the Holiday Season and you have a recipe for a guaranteed parking lot in every thoroughfare. It’s time for serious solutions, but it will take more time, money and work than we may be willing to put into it. And I wouldn’t place my bets on the boys and girls in Trenton to do anything soon.

Nine Years Later

It’s 9-11 again. It seems to be the date everyone dreads. A solemn date that will live on like Pearl Harbor. In time, it may be relegated to the history books as just another event. For those of us who lived through it, it is more. Some of us lost loved ones. Some of us lost our sense of security.

I can remember where I was when the towers went down and what I was doing. It was kind of like what my mother described when she heard of the assassination of President Kennedy. I thought I was watching a strange movie. I had to proceed with my work day as if nothing was awry. I remember as I was at work I passed a recruiting station and gave serious consideration to stopping in and trying to join up. Never mind the fact that I had a girlfriend that I was considering proposing to and that I had unsuccessfully tried in the past to join the Navy. I just felt like I had to do something.

To say that the events of September 11, 2001 were terrible and heinous is an extreme understatement. We sent our men and women to do what they had to. Some never returned. Now, nine years later, what still bothers me – aside from some obvious unfinished business – is how much racism and bigotry has been born out of those events. Maybe they did not begin at that point, but those events gave the bigots a rationale for their beliefs.

It was a radical group that did these things. It would be most unfortunate if we profess to come together in unity as one nation and one people and ostracize a group because of skin color, religious or cultural differences or sexual orientation. If we cannot include everyone, we can never be one nation.